My Remarkable Son–Richard S. Bailey

Chris, me, and Richard, in Amsterdam, Netherlands, 1969.

Both of my sons are truly remarkable and amazing men, but this post is about the youngest, my “bounding baby boy” Richard S. Bailey.

Chris Bailey, 1966, Teheran, Iran

My first born, Chris Bailey, a “big … red-headed…. boy” the doctor exclaimed as he was delivering him… is an amazing man in his own right.  He got up and walked on his own at nine months and never sat back down.  He continued to walk and years later walked the entire 2,200 mile-long Appalachian Trail, and a few years after that the 2,600 mile-long Pacific Crest Trail.  He put himself through college and graduated Suma Cum Laude from the College of Jurisprudence in Baltimore Maryland.  Later he became an airline pilot, flying a puddle jumper in Alaska, and then flying for “some rich guy” in his private jet (he never told me who that was). Then he became a Dad… and determined he would be the best Dad he could and give his children a better childhood than he had had in a single parent home… and he settled down in a small town, becoming an organic gardener (he always loved to grow things) just so he could be home more of the time with his kids. 

But this story is about his little brother Richard… I just want to make sure they both know, and the world knows, that I love and admire them both the same… and never favored one or the other.  I am sure it seemed to Chris growing up that I did favor Richard, but that is just not true.  So back to Richie’s Story.

Richard’s first passport photo.

As an infant, he would not “bounce” in my lap.  The very second he stiffened his legs to stand and hold himself up, he would just fold his legs and sit down.  He would not “bounce.”  Why?  I was puzzled.  Chris was off and running like he was born six months old.  Rich would not stand and would not bounce.  Each doctor appointment I would say, “Something is wrong with his hips!”  What is wrong with him?  He doesn’t seem to be in pain.  He just won’t stand up for more than a couple seconds.  Rich just said today (August 2, 2014) that “The field is ever changing. Can’t really piss on the docs for not knowing something no one knew about. There are evolutionary advantages to being born late.”

Later, while Chris walked at 9 months (that is actually a photo of his first steps.. and genuine look of surprise realizing he was walking), Richard didn’t walk until 18 months and then he wouldn’t do more than just what was required. There are no photos of Rich walking as a toddler… he just didn’t do it.   Chris began to call him lazy and resent him.  I didn’t think him lazy, I just didn’t know what was wrong.  Doctors never found anything wrong with him.  They would stretch his legs out, check their length, flexibility, etc. and say, nothing is wrong.

In school, he would not participate in any sports or gym activities, unless he was forced to participate.  At home, he would avoid anything physically strenuous like lifting or carrying things leaving all the hard work for his big brother… causing even more resentment. Still I did not see him as “lazy.”  He went to live with his Dad for his high school years, and the school insisted he had to have some P.E. credits to graduate…. so he got them to agree to let him roller skate for the credit.  He loved the speed and gliding of skating… which I am assuming gave him a feeling of freedom.

Rich’s first computer (TRS 80), and decades later a Senior Microsoft Software Engineer.

Both my sons are brainy.  Both have high I.Q.s and photographic memories (inherited from their father, not their mother), and both find learning new things to be pretty darned easy compared to my learning style.  Rich has a super brain… one made for advanced technology, which he has soaked up like he was a dry sponge.  He has never been able to learn new technology fast enough… so he has excelled in that field.

He took up skydiving, a sport that doesn’t put a lot of stress on your hip joints unless you have a bad landing.  I guess, after thousands of jumps, that has happened a few times.  A couple of years ago he had a total hip replacement because his right hip was worn out.  Why was it worn out???  Turns out, I was right, there was something wrong with his hips, or at least the right one.  Instead of a rounded ball on his femur, he had a genetic defect in that the ball was more oval, like an egg… causing not only instability when trying to stand and walk as an infant/toddler, but also preventing him from any activity which caused him to feel the instability yet he was unable to understand or verbalize the problem/feeling.  This defect also caused the hip joint to prematurely wear out… AFTER only 44 years.

Dang!  Why didn’t any doctors take me seriously?  What if something could have been done before it wore out?  Anyway… a couple years ago he had a total hip replacement and I felt guilty somehow like it was my fault.  In May 2014, he went to Hawaii with me to celebrate my 70th birthday and to kayak my 50th state.  No better gift could anyone have ever given me… but he was walking with a cane and in excoriating pain from his hip and had a badly inflamed varicose vein in the same leg.  Every movement he made caused him great pain, except the snorkeling with the green sea turtles.  Being almost weightless in the water felt very good to him.

Richard and I on May 16, 2014 kayaking off Maui Hawaii.

When he returned home to Washington state, he was planning to have a hip revision to correct whatever was wrong (the thought it was just the loose socket/cup).  First doctors had to clear up the infection in his right leg.  Compression stocking and antibiotics began and finally after weeks, the infection was clear enough and on 7/30/14 Rich had surgery.  It was agony waiting for the doctor to come speak to his wife and I.  Finally the doctor came out and told us there were complications. It felt like time froze. The reason he was in agony was that the hip joint capsule was under great pressure and full of puss… exploding gunk all over everyone when it was opened.  They had planned only to replace the socket or cup, but once inside learned even the very well-seated stem/ball section was infected.  The femur had to be cut open and the stem also removed. 

All the metal was removed from the joint and a temporary plastic artificial spacer hip joint was put in and the cement used was a special one loaded with antibiotics.  This joint would not be weight-bearing.  He was not a happy camper when he woke up and learned this news.  He would now have to be on IV antibiotics for at least six weeks or more… and in three months go back under the knife to have a third (in less than three years) hip joint installed, with another 3 months of recovery.  Oh my gosh.  How much does he have to suffer???  He has endured this now for 46 years… and MOM says, enough!  I mean it was already enough that he has a hearing loss (which I also did not learn about until he was five years old)… which he has dealt with very courageously and now this.

Me, Rich on crutches, and Tori (on IV antibiotics), July 2014.

And then there is his beautiful daughter, Victoria (Tori), born with a hole in her heart… who was hospitalized with a heart infection last month (July 2014) and now faces heart surgery this fall too.  Why do things have to happen this way?  She was released to home with IV antibiotics and while she was coming off her IV… her father was getting his IV PICC line put in.  Why is it these two beautiful people so full of life and ambition with so much to give each other, their families, and their many friends have to go through so much?  And Rhonda Bailey, you are amazing the way you are coping with all this.  Amazing.

I guess I can’t answer that, but I somehow know that both of them are going to be alright. They have a very large and loving support group of friends.  I did the “worried mother” thing and came rushing to their side (from CA to WA) even though I could not afford to do so. I panicked when I learned Tori had a heart infection.  I just needed to be with them, even though they didn’t need me here.  I really came for me (I keep telling myself that over and over again).  Now that I have seen them both, seen how very strong and healthy they are, and seen their support group in action, I know they don’t need me.  Amazing.  Within four hours of Rich’s surgery, his friends had arranged for his bed to be moved to make his covalence easier, and an online meal schedule was set up to bring him hot meals.  He is so loved by so many people and it is well-deserved. He is a very special wonderful man and son.

A writer friend of his, Jessica Bruder, thanked me for putting Richard on earth (I can’t remember exactly how she worded that).  Many of his friends want to meet me because he brags about my recent accomplishments. He is as proud of me as I am of him.  His friends tell him he is amazing.  His doctors say his pain was even greater than they realized… and justly so.  The anesthesiologist said… he was one for the books, he was a statistic now. 

This is what’s up:  

A complete exchange of a hip replacement done in two stages: A first stage consists of the complete removal of the hip replacement, cleaning of the bone, and implantation of a temporary cement spacer that will allow some hip motion and deliver antibiotics to the hip area. This is generally followed by a six week course of intravenous antibiotics. The second stage consists of the re-implantation of a definitive hip replacement (generally 6 to 8 weeks after the initial operation).

Something happened to me the day after his surgery where a feeling of peace suddenly came over me about him, and I knew, not only would he be alright, but Tori would also be alright.  I know I have many friends who are praying for their full recovery.  It breaks my heart that they have both suffered their entire lives with birth defects that have prevented them from living life to the fullest, but I know they are more then going to make up for that in the future.  I can’t imagine what that will look like for them… their lives have already been so remarkable, but it will be grand indeed.

Recovery and rehabilitation for both of them, will take time and a lot of hard work.  That’s their job.  Within a year they will both have resumed their lives and will be busy creating a future they themselves can not even begin to comprehend today.  They are going to be fine.  Just fine.

My job is to let go. Letting go is the hardest thing a parent ever has to do.  I must let go and continue to become my own best self, to stick to my fitness goals and prepare for my own long distant hike (820 mile long Arizona Trail). I honor them best by being true to my own best self.  I look forward to seeing them both again in a year… when we have all accomplished the goals we have set in front of us now… and we will all be healthier then, than we have ever been in our lives.  That’s what I see in the future for all three of us.  I love both my boys(equally) and all my grandchildren, more then they will ever know… and just want the very best health for them that is possible.  Hugs.

Very much looking forward to 2015.

Richard and I celebrating our birthdays in Hawaii, 2014.

Back in 1965, while I was pregnant with my first child, I taped this little quotation in his baby book. I was trying to remember the words and could not. He just sent me a photo of it:

snug in a cocoon of
sleep you melt into me--- and I forget
that you are guest and not
possession. how I would like to
keep you in this circle of oneness---
but I must help
you grow, teach you
to drop my hand and walk alone.

A New Fitness Level and A New Life?

and getting to Hawaii – to kayak my last state!!!

One of my earlier paddles in Washington State.

I am becoming concerned/alarmed that I may not have enough money for expenses for the Hawaii trip. I have accommodations and air line ticket. But there are the other expenses of the shuttle/or transportation to and from the airports, kayak rental, meals, sun screen, misc. God I wish I was rich.  If you can help me complete this Kayak America Adventure, use the Donate Button to the right on this page.  Thank you.

Feeling blue a couple days ago, I was cheered up by a piece of German Chocolate Cake. Trust me, I will pay for it tomorrow and the next day at the gym. My weight is down to where it was 31 years ago.  Someone said “Just a serotonin low. You will feel better. Chocolate will help that.”  Alright, I’ll go with that reason/excuse?

1984, California, sitting on my cousin’s Delorian.

OK, I ATE the cake, twice. But today, I did Aqua Therapy in the morning, and then 10 miles on stationary bike in gym and 30 min on treadmill. I'm going 3 times faster on the treadmill than I did two weeks ago. I am working hard on my core strength and have little pain now. I think an adjustment in my meds is required which will begin tomorrow. Right now all I am doing is working out and eating and sleeping. Eating all I want, but it's healthier stuff and only about 1/3 of what I used to eat. But it's all I want. I won't say this is easy, but my favorite part of the day now is working out at the gym... something I never thought I would ever feel or ever say. Maybe there will be life after 70?

Never Again… almost 300 pounds in 2002.

I have a wonderful team of doctors here and have been catching up on all the tests and examines you are suppose to have.  Getting the all clear on everything.  I think I have a doctor for every body part, though I no longer need a pulmonologist as I no longer have COPD issues (thank you clean air).  Got one for joints, one for spine, one for female parts, one for all the other general stuff.  All are impressed and excited to be on my fitness team.  Caught two of them talking/bragging to each other about me the other day… that was funny.

Family Birthday Cake, 2004 (my sons birthdays are 4/16 and 5/8 and mine 5/16 – so many times we had ONE cake).

The above photo was taken when I was pretty close to not being able to walk anymore, the following year, both knees were replaced.  Hopefully in a month, I will have much better photos to post here.

In spite of my worry and concern about finances for Hawaii, and my set back last month with severe back pain, I am reaching my new fitness levels and I feel excited and hopeful about completing my 50-state Kayaking America Adventure and my new challenge of hiking the Arizona Trail in 2015.  I can and will do this.

Again, if you can help me reach my goal to kayak my 50th State, Hawaii, I would be very grateful.  Thank you.

Charlene's Birthday Party–May 16, 2014 (b. 1944)

My flight is booked, I AM going to Hawaii. I won't eat for the next two weeks, until my next payday 2/19, but I AM going to Hawaii and will be staying at Kahana Beach Resort, 4221 Lower Honoapiilani Highway, Maui part of the time.

My 70th Birthday is May 16, 2014. Please join me for this epic event. The only reason this event is epic is that I was shopping for a wheelchair in 2006 because I could not walk and weighed 300 pound. Since then I got new knees thanks to David Swankie and a boat… than a new life and have kayaked 49 states, only leaving Hawaii to kayak, our 50th state, my 50th state to kayak and on my 70th Birthday.  No I don’t feel 70.  I feel better than when I was 40 and that truly amazes even me.

The maiden voyage of my new Kayak was on Lake Tahoe in the company of Ellie Beals who paddled with me that day in 2009.

There is time if you care to join us... to make your own arrangements.
Hope you can join me to celebrate this great day and great achievement.

My Schedule:

5/13 - 8am depart San Jose, CA, arrive in Kahului, HI at 10:20am
5/13-15 staying with Matt and Cherrish
5/16- at Kahana Beach Resort, 4221 Lower Honoapiilani Highway, Maui
5/16 - KAYAK HAWAII - my last of 50 States to Kayak
5/17 - at Kahana Beach Resort, 4221 Lower Honoapiilani Highway, Maui
5/18 - at Kahana Beach Resort, 4221 Lower Honoapiilani Highway, Maui
5/19 - check out from Kahana Beach Resort, 4221 Lower Honoapiilani Highway, Maui
5/19 - staying with Matt and Cherrish
5/20 - depart HI at 12:30pm and arrive back to San Jose, CA at 8:30pm

Paddling with me will be son Richard Bailey, Matt and Cherrish Beals, and hopefully others.

CREAM of the Crop… L-R: Richard Bailey, Elle Beals, Matt Beals, Chris Bailey, and Andy Beals.  (Their initials spell CREAM).  Beals children are children of my best friend of 40plus years, Betsy Beals Stafford.

It's gonna be a grand party. A once in a life-time happening.  I sure wish all five could be with me, but 2/5 of the gang will be swell.

Can’t go, but want to help????

Anyone who helps will receive a post card from Hawaii after the paddle and I hope it will be a photo of me in the kayak, if I can arrange that there.  If you donate, order art work or buy from my store and want a post card, be sure to send me your mailing address to charlene.swankie@gmail.com. 

Wishing everyone I love could be there with me
for my 70th birthday party.

By helping a friend, Possum Hunter, out after he lost all he had Christmas night in an apartment fire, and having a front tooth break off and needing to have it extracted and an implant in last week, I am very very low on funds.  I could sure use some help making this dream come true and in accomplishing the goal I set out on in 2009, of kayaking all 50 states. See Index of States Kayaked.  Click on the donate button in the upper right corner of this site, if you can help a little bit, even if only a dollar or two.  Or click on the Art Work tab above if you would like to commission me to do some Art Work for you. All art work will be completed before I go to Hawaii.

You could also help by buying through my Amazon Store http://astore.amazon.com/kayakin-20
- a portion of your Amazon purchase will go to supporting my kayaking
adventure or for my next adventure, hiking the Arizona Trail in 2015 (820 miles from Mexico to Utah).

Thank you for your support and Aloha
Charlene Beaty Bailey Swankie

--
"It's not the destination that is important, it is the journey. It doesn't
get any better than that, until tomorrow." Swankie

Beautiful Grandchildren

I have been spending time with my beautiful grandchildren. My little angel Zoey just told me I was her very best Grandma (mission accomplished).  These past five years have been very difficult for me, not being a daily part of their lives.  I don’t know if they will ever know and love me, as I knew and loved my Grandma… so I’ll settle for them just “remembering” me.

After swimming lessons, I got to braid Zoey's hair... while she warmed up with hot cocoa. Then I got to read them a story, AFTER they came out and explored my van home. This one remembers EVERYTHING (and I hope me).  Next week they begin swimming lessons each weekday morning.  I am going to get a Pool membership and swim laps in the morning, before their lessons, or maybe during their lessons.  Its about to get really hot in Wenatchee, and $44 for the rest of the time I am in the area, a place to exercise and keep cool and spend time with them… not a bad deal at all.  They live nearby.

Yesterday was a great day. In the morning, I WON a new Global Sun Oven, in the afternoon I spent time at a wading pool park and my little granddaughter was coloring a picture, so I showed her my sketchbook… now she introduces me as “This is my grandma, she is an artist and kayaks everywhere.” At one point she reached over and hugged me and said “You are my very best grandma! I love you.” Well, there just isn’t any way a day can get better than that. When the solar oven arrives, I will be showing them how to cook in it and that too will be a fantastic day.

I won a Solar Oven – this was the winning photo.  I can’t believe it.  There are five more ovens being given away over the next five weeks.  Check out the Contest. Just enter your email address for a chance to win.  For the rest of the story about what was going on with this little critter, see my Facebook Album on the Sun Oven Contest.

I'm thrilled. In Jan 2014 at the Rubber Tramp Rendezvous in Quartzsite AZ, I will be drawing tickets to give my old Sun Oven to another vandweller. I never won anything before, but others have helped me along the way, so this is my way of paying it forward a little. There are other photos in this series... and I wish now I had video-taped it... it was so funny watching this little critter trying to get into the Oven.

Will has an engineers' brain... a real problem-solver. He is also kind of a loner. I watched him happily play with water for a very long time, very capable of entertaining himself.  Very very smart.

This is where I took the kids kayaking the other day – Walla Wall Park in Wenatchee.  You can clearly see the little alcove if you click on that link… an ariel view.  I could not get photos myself, but my dau-in-law took some and I'm hoping to get copies to post here.  Nice little alcove with an island, which had Mulberry Trees on it.  Columbia River is behind the island.  Zoey and I picked Mulberries from the kayak.  Neat.

June 28th, I joined them at this small park for water splashing and climbing on the playground, and coloring.  Nice little park with Recreation Staff keeping a close eye on all the kids, making sure they Play Nice in the water.

Zoey in playground jail.. she is trying to look worried and afraid.  Will, or Buddy (Grandpa was nicknamed Buddy and his dad was called Bud… so cute), being his devilish self.  Look at those sweet faces.

How the heck can it get better than this?  If it does, my heart might explode.

Payday… two days away.

I’ve been camping around Elko NV at various store parking lots… just waiting out the two weeks before payday… and day after tomorrow is it.  Yahooooooo!  I think I gotta go over those mountains to get to Salt Lake City, UT.  It’s been so cold here.  Uggghhh!

A couple of days ago, I splurged and bought Frosted Flakes (see photos below). Last night I splurged and got dinner from a Chinese place… rice, sesame chicken, and seafood combo, and two egg rolls.  Oh boy, did that hit the spot.  And I got a couple fortune cookies:

1) You’ll accomplish more later if you have a little fun this weekend.

OK that fits.  I had fun this weekend, sleeping in each day, doing two sketches for pay (total $100.00), listening to music, watching some t.v. shows, and going to bed early.

I’m ready for MORE accomplishments.

2) Next full moon brings an enchanting evening. 

Gotta go look that up, just so I don’t miss it.  Hum, May 5 will be the next full moon.  That is the day I am suppose to arrive at my summer job/home.. at the campground.  Ya think I’m a’gonna meet a fella????  Maybe not.  Maybe I’m just going to feel really enchanted when I reach my summer home.

Today I will finish the two sketches I’m working on and then do an inventory of all the food on board.  My plan for Colorado is to only come down off the mountain about once a month.  That takes a bit of careful planning.  Anyone interested in seeing the food inventory and the one-month plan for food purchases???

Today is my eldest son’s birthday… he is 46.  WHAT?  How can that be?  Happy Birthday, Chris.

Chris in 1966, Teheran, Iran.

Chris’ daughter, Zoey in 2008, Wenatchee, WA.

Chris in Tehran Iran, 1966.  So that made me hungry for Frosted Flakes… something I haven’t had for years.

Chris and his girlfriend, Jenelle, hiked the entire Pacific Crest Trail together… this at Crater Lake.

When I got my Master’s Degree, Chris drove back to Indiana from Maryland with me for my commencement.  Thanks, Chris, that meant the world to me.  Wish your brother and Tori had come too.

Chris and Jenelle hiked the whole Pacific Crest Trail in five months.  Guess they figured they were compatible after all that and so they got married by Elvis in Vegas.

Once a backpacker, always a backpacker. 
This is their first child, Zoey.  Too cute.

Zoey and mom on left,
Mom and Dad with son Will and daughter Zoey on right.

Beautiful Zoey at Christmas.  Reading and books are their favorite activities.  They get two stories read to them each night before bedtime.  They’ve asked me to only send books as gifts.

This is the first time I ever saw Will… and isn’t that the greatest smile.

Will and I had matching haircuts.

Zoey really loves her baby brother and is so gentle with him.

Grandma really loves Zoey’s little brother too, but wasn’t so gentle with him… first time I picked him up out of his car seat, I caught his finger in the buckle and made him cry.  Made him cry???  I made myself cry!  Thank goodness he won’t remember it.

It doesn’t get any better than this.  Not even tomorrow.  Chris and Jenelle, you are beautiful and are great parents.  Thank you for the wonderful gifts you have given me… Will and Zoey.