Turning Over a New Leaf for a New Year

I’ve always gone out of my way to help others, gone the extra mile, I guess because I needed the approval and acceptance of other people.  This is probably because of old baggage, the need to get the approval and acceptance I never got from family as a child. Guess what?  I am no longer that lonely sad child who needs to keep doing that.  I approve of and accept myself, finally.  I have pondered about New Year’s resolutions, and woke this morning realizing that this is mine… to be true to my own best self.
Who is that self?  No longer will I be the person who changes my schedule and goals and plans to accommodate others.  My life is very full, I have a busy schedule of things to do and places to go.  I am sure along that path I will meet others who will dove-tail into my life without me having to compromise what I want and need.  I am through going the extra mile to fit into other people’s schedules.  Done, all done. Yesterday, brought that in to clear focus for me. Do I sound like an old curmudgeon?  Well, just maybe I am… and if so, I am o.k. with that.
Where’s what happened yesterday.  I reported to the Rock Club to work a morning shift as a rock sawyer.  It’s hard and grimy work, and I just love it.  There has always been great satisfaction for me in hard work.  Sometimes my back hurts.  I get very dirty, a problem when you live in the desert with no hot running water for a shower.  But I love it.  And yesterday I got a real surprise while sawing one rock… when this pattern revealed itself… and I suddenly knew why I volunteered for this grimy work.  I immediately informed my supervisor that I had to buy that slab… and paid the $3 for it.  I love this rock.

A tree in a windy storm??

At noon I was off duty… and went to my van in the parking lot to check email and Facebook messages as a lady I know from Facebook was planning to come through town mid-day, layover, and go on to the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show the next day.  She had been asking me about where to camp, boondock, eat, etc.  I spent a good bit of time making recommendations online.  So, I figured I’d save the time driving back to camp so that I could meet up with them this afternoon and see her new van.  I had work to do in the van… anyway.  So, looked online for an hour for messages from her, sent my phone number to her, went back in the rock club and left my phone number there for her… and then decided to grab a sandwich and “do genealogy” until I heard from her.  I could easily do all that without going out of my way for her or driving any extra miles.  No problem.

Got my food, parked over by Hi Jolly monument, and began working on eye-straining genealogy data entry into Ancestry.com.  If you have done any of that, you know it can be pretty intense.  I can’t watch Facebook and do this work too.  So for the next four hours I worked.  My phone was on.  I got no call.  At 5:30pm, I closed down my genealogy work, and checked back on Facebook.  The lady had gotten on a few minutes earlier, hardly “mid day” as she had told me, and said she was in town and gave me her phone number.

So at 5:40pm I called her.  They were at Family Dollar and said they were going to stay at B10 campground that night so they could have electricity to make coffee in the morning…. not boondocking like they had said. All the time I spend answering her questions and giving her ideas and recommendations, for what?   I told them I was only a couple blocks from there and would meet them there.  Forty minutes later they had not arrived at B10.  I thought I saw their van go past B10.  I was getting aggravated and was tired and hungry again. A morning of hard work in the rock mines (i.e. sawing rocks) and a whole afternoon doing eye-straining data entry made for a tiring day.   It would be dark soon and I needed to get back to camp as I can’t drive after dark, so I went home. (and no hot shower waiting for me when I got there).

Arriving in camp five minutes later, the moon was coming up and the sun was going down.  How happy I felt to be back home again… alone. Then the phone beeped and a voice mail message said they had checked in to B10 and were on their way up to Times 3 for dinner.  What?  They didn’t have time to check in to B10 and drive on to dinner from the time I left there five minutes earlier. It was their van that had gone past B10 while I sat and waited for them.   I texted them that I had waited but needed to return to my camp before dark… and that maybe next time I could meet up with them.  But secretly (well no secret now!) I was glad I had not waited more than 40 min.

Just how much are we expected to do for others? 
Where do we draw the line?
 I am drawing the line this year – that is my New Year’s Resolution.  Darn, if I stopped and went out of my way to meet everyone coming to Quartzsite who wanted to meet me, I’d never have a minute to myself.  It’s just no longer a sacrifice I am willing to make.  From now on, when I am working at the Rock Club, people can come meet me there.  If they want to join in on other activities I am participating in, they are free to do so… and I’ll make my Google calendar available to them.  I’m done.  The rest of my life is mine, on my timetable,  I’m no longer going the extra mile for anyone else.  I’m 70 and I’ve paid my dues.  I’ve got a hell of a lot of stuff yet to get done in this lifetime.  Others will now have to go the extra mile if they want to meet or spend time with me.

OK, so I’m old and I’m a grouch.  So be it.  Don’t expect more from me then you are willing to give to me.  I just ain’t got it left to give.  I’m done.  Happy Trails.

My New Code for Living – Lakota Code of Ethics

Rock Club site and newsletter:  http://qrgmc.org/
Rock Club Facebook page:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/qrgmc/
QIA (Quartzsite Improvement Association) site: http://www.qiaarizona.org/
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Quartzsite, AZ–winter home 2011-12–Part Two

 

My camp at B-10 Campground in Quartzsite
(with GG’s grey van on his stop-over visit).

GG showing me his new catamaran kayak… under his bed.

Nov. 13, 2011 – I fled my camp this afternoon, after an increasing number of smokers moved into my area.  Last night, while sitting in my van working on the computer the smell of weed was so strong, I nearly got high. 

Smoker to the left of me (smoking?).

Today, I learned another smoker and drinker is moving in next to me tomorrow.  He was even registering drunk.  Staggering even.  And last night two more dogs moved in across from me… and they barked often at the little dog next to me. 

Smokers to the right of me (just ciggy smoke).

And Steve… the Lawn Mower Guy played his radio or CDs all night.  It was my kind of music, but I’m unaccustomed to listening to music after I fall asleep.  It woke me up about five times during the night.

Smoker in front of me.

The nights are getting very long… it’s dark by 6pm so I go to sleep… and by 11pm I’ve had all the sleep I want.  Then what???  There is nothing to do.  I can’t run lights.  I’m not much of a reader.  And then last night it rained the better part of the night and usually that makes me sleep like a log.  This morning the tent was wet (it was set up so I  had a place to put stuff while sorting through the trailer and downsizing more) and not for camping, but I’m tired of stuff getting wet… so today I dried it all out and loaded it back up.  I feel disgusted.

O.K. the dammed dog is as cute as can be.

So, I ran away from home.  Drove a short way outside of town to the west… and just went off road.  I don’t know if I’m in a BLM area or not but looked like people have been camping here.  I’m hoping to spend the night, let my lungs and nose clear up… and my brain quiet down.  Just the hour or so I’ve been out of town… has made me realize I cannot stay at B-10 or anyplace in town.  I need space.  I need peace and quiet at night.  I can’t even imagine what it will be like when the B-10 Campground fills up it’s 173 sites, with only a couple dozen filled now.

Another smoker next to the Lawn Mower Guy.
And in front of him will be more smokers (and drinkers) as of tomorrow.

The owner/managers are sweet as can be… but…..  free coffee daily and free donuts on Sat. a.m. is not enough to keep Swankie trapped. 

Here is what one online reviewer said about them:

this is the nicest place and very clean, We keep coming back year after year. The manager is super nice. Can"t wait to get back there. We really feel quite safe here and we have a great time. Try it you’ll like it as much as we do.

November 12, 2010 by cooky joiner in Choctaw, OK

I really do like those people, but it’s an untenable situation that’s just not going to work for me. I am considering putting an ad in the paper saying “senior would like night security work in exchange for 35’ parking spot”… you never know.  I want to keep my daytime hrs free for rock club activities… or else the whole point of coming here will be lost.

My first 4x4 outing with the rock club members,
and guess what, no one smoked.  Is that amazing or what?

The first rock I cut and polished in Quartzsite.

Second rock I cut and polished in Quartzsite.  This one I won as a slab of rock at my first Gem and Mineral Club Meeting.

Three more days until payday… and I will be gassing up and making a run to stock up on supplies and meds.  Then I’ll settle into the first two-week spot, unless they insist I pay for the whole month of November like I agreed.  Yes, they let me move in free because I didn’t have the money to pay up front… and I agree to pay them a full month on 11/16.  Very nice of them.  But I can’t stay.  If I have to pay for the month, I’ll use it as a place to store the trailer and take showers and do laundry and get free coffee and donuts… and that’s all.  I may not even be able to sleep there once I am surrounded by cig. smoke (and other kinds of smoke) and drunks!   Yuk, phooey.

So, I ran away from home… and when I got to the “wilderness” I could not hold an internet signal long enough to get my blog finished and uploaded.  But it was nice out there and quiet.

West of Quartzsite a couple miles.

So I drove back into town, put $10 of gas in the van at the Pilot Truck Stop ($3.39 gal), and drove out by the Courthouse… where there is this large tree – the Great Tree of Arizona.  I followed the trail and I wasn’t alone… I don’t know what these little quail are called, but they make this sweet chirping sound.  There is a lot to see around here… attractions.

So, finally came to the 1,050 year old tree, I guess… the trail ended there, but it looked like a green mesquite tree to me and not much different than others in the area.  Maybe I didn’t go far enough, but the trail ended???  Nope… searching on Google Images… this is the tree.

I am going to try to stay as close in to town as I can… so I can ride my bike… but that might not work out well either???  Oh, whoa is me!  Why can’t this be easy?

Maybe tomorrow will get better than this???!!!!   A vandweller I met in Deming NM said he may be heading this way.  That would mean it will get better.  I wish there was at least one other vandweller here… that I could find.